Dinosaurs, Leeks, and Coffee
by Malirunic
Summary: The crackiest crackfic you shall ever read. Complete randomness, doesn't even make sense. No pairings, former oneshot. Don't read if you're expecting the least bit of sanity. Yaoi in second chapter, if you squint really, REALLY hard.
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, it's ANOTHER story. When none of my others are finished. I'm not good at finishing what I start, okay? So this one is a oneshot. A stupid oneshot, but a oneshot.**

**Basically, I closed my eyes, brought up mental images of all the -man characters, and let my mind do whatever to them. And then I typed it.**

**WARNINGS: Large amounts of crack, OOCness, and stupidity may follow. No, cross that. WILL follow.**

**DISCLAIMER: Hoshino would murder me if she read this. Also, no dinosaurs were harmed in the making of this. Although a couple of Lenalee voodoo dolls were.**

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Allen and Lavi are sitting in two bare wooden chairs in a bare white room. No wait, there is a bed in the room. But that's all.

Usually at this point some hot yaoi sex happens, but I'm not a fan of yaoi.

So instead, a really big blue dinosaur crashes through the wall and says to Allen: "ALLEN I AM YOUR FATHER."

And so allen screams and says "OMIGOD IMA GONNA BE EETEN ALIVEEEEEE!!!"

And Lavi says, "It looks like Allen's finally lost it."

At this point some random finder with a pot on his head charges into the room and says, "Can't lose what you never had." And then the finder takes out a stick and starts banging on ithat pot on his head. Which is purple.

Lavi says "Unicorn".

At this point Yu Kanda bursts through the door, which never existed to begin with in this strange twisted reality. Except there were 8 Yu Kandas.

One had green hair, one had purple hair, one had carolina blue hair, one had no hair, one had pink hair and one had really curly hair. And the other 2 that make up the 8 never actually existed, I just felt like saying there were 8 'cause I like the number 8.

The blue dinosaur from earlier eats Lenalee, who was actually sitting in the room along with Lavi and Allen from the begining.

Inside of the blue dinosaur, Lenalee starts drinking coffee since the blue dinosaur's stomach fluids are actually coffee. Oh by the way her dark boots can also transform into a coffee mug in this world. So she starts drinking the dinosaur's body fluids and soon she explodes. But when she explodes all the little Lenalee pieces turn into pencils.

The pencils poke the dinosaur to death.

Dino goes BOOM.

But when the dinosaur explodes, all the little blue dino pieces turn into Barney's. Why? Because dinosaurs are like cells and that is how they multiply.

So then all the barney's point accusingly at Komui, who was also in the room since the begining and say, "WHERE ART THOU, JULIET?"

And Komui kinda screams but not really, it's more like a monkey screech, and he picks up a leek, which was ALSO in the room to begin with, and he twirls it.

Suddenly he transforms into the Loituma Girl.

Lavi goes all heart eyes asks Komui/Loituma Girl "My love, I do not understand. WHO ART THOU!?!?"

And Komui/Loituma Girl replies, "I am actually Merlin in disguise, who is also George Washington. I have come to this strange land on a mission to search from my stolen mashed potatoes and jelly."

All eyes turn to Timcanpy, who has drifted into the room and is chewing happily (?) on some mashed potatoes and jelly. If that's possible.

But it is, according to this fanfiction. So everyone stares at the golden floaty thingy.

But pink-haired Kanda breaks the silence by hugging Tim and screaming "MOTHER!!!"

It was a joyful reunion indeed.

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**I BET THAT WAS NOT WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING. You were expecting something to least bit humane, weren't you!?! HA! HA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA acorn!!!!!**

**Oh, did I mention I was sugar high when I wrote this? And I still am.**

**If there is one piece of information I would like you to take from this story, it is that Dreammaker Twilight plue sugar equals something very scary. And purple.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I said I wasn't going to continue this, but the first chapter was so popular (by my standards, which are pretty low but oh well) that I decided to continue it! Yay! =D**

**Today I'm not high, so sorry if it's not as plotlessly insane as the first chapter. Enjoy~**

**DISCLAIMER: Hoshino Katsura would kill me if she read this. I am not suicidal, so therefore I am not Hoshino Katsura.**

* * *

It was 3 days after the event in the little white room. Somewhere on the Ark, Road Camelot and Chaoji Whatshisface are sitting in a little black room.

In the little black room are five chairs, one of which is being occupied by Road, and the other four by Chaoji, because he is so fat he must take up four chairs.

Road suddenly bursts out singing "Everytime we Touch" by Cascada. "And every time we touch, I get this feeling, and every time we kiss I swear I can fly..." she sings loudly.

Chaoji explodes. Why? Because Slade from Teen Titans actually planted a time bomb inside of Chaoji long, long ago and it's going off right now.

But luckily for Chaoji, who has now become little tiny bits of flesh scattered around the room, Lenalee walks in with a duster.

How did Lenalee get on the Ark? She blinded the guards (were their guards) with her awesome shinyness (from her boots).

Lenalee cleans up all the little Chaoji pieces. Suddenly, a half-naked Kanda bursts through the door. "WHERE IS MUM!?!?!?" He screams. "MUM HAS TO SHOWER WITH ME!"

Lavi hurredly comes in. "Here I am, Yu-chan! Time for your bathie-wathie!" he says in a shrill voice.

But Kanda's hair suddenly turns neon green and he transforms into Merlin. (with a neon green beard.)

Lenalee gasps. "It's you again! What do you want from us, Merlin!?!" she exclaims.

"Yes, it is I, Merlin Vi Britannia! But I is actually... BILL GATES!!!!" he replies, transforming into Bill Gates. "Now, bow before the might of my new WINDOWS VISTA!!!!" he says.

Bill gates pulls out a laptop and flips it open to reveal a "blue-screen-of-death" Windows error screen.

Road steps up to face Bill Gates. (remember, she was in the room too.) "Not so fast, Bill Gates! All your Windows Vista can do is be pretty! But we all know that other than that, it is completely USELESS!" she says. With that, Road transforms into Steve Jobs (the CEO of Apple, in case you didn't know, 'cause I certainly didn't until a few minutes ago) and pulls out a MacBook Air displaying a "sad Mac" Machintosh error screen.

"But while it may appear useless for most commands, my Windows programs are far more destructive than your neat little Macs ever will be! Behold, my newest line of error screens!" bill Gates counters, clicking a few buttons to display 5 new, never before seen error screens.

At this point, Steve Jobs laughs evilly and transforms back into Road (remember, he/she/it was actually Road to begin with). She cackles again, then says, "Stupid, pathetic human! Even you know that your Windows is so destructive that you cannot control it, even being theit creator! Releasing its memory erase will destroy even you!"

Bill gates transforms back into Kanda. "Fine then, instead, I shall defeat you with my Mugen!" he shouts. But instead of activating Mugen, pulls out a portable radio and starts to sing along with Hatsune Miku's version of the song "Ievan Polka". "La blablabla, la blabla blabla, la bla blabla lala blablablabla...." he sings. After a few seconds, Allen joins in. I dunno how he got there, but I guess he just kind of got there with his super cool magical special 14th Noah powers.

After a while, Road says, "Everyone here other than Allen must die, they must." Lavi gasps with realization. "OMIGOD!!!! ROAD IS ACTUALLY YODA IN DISGUISE!!!" He shrieks. Kanda's eyes widen, and he transforms into Merlin again (with a neon green beard). "IT'S DADDY!!!!!!" He exclaims very OOC-ly (just like everyone else in this fic), hugging Road. Road transforms into Yoda. "Your father, I am," he/she/it says solemnly.

Once again, it was a very joyful reunion indeed.

* * *

**There we go. I will not lie: the whole part about Bill Gates was shamelessly ripped off of my own (unpublished) Choose-you-own-adventure story, "Wizards, Bunnies, and Pies". It's a very, uh, INTERESTING story to read, and I WOULD post it online, if only FictionPress allowed CYOAs.... =(**

**This one might seem a bit lame and not as crazy as the last one, but I wasn't sugar high when I wrote this. Sorry. (On the contrary, I'm currently very stressed over my 5-page-long Language Arts essay which I haven't yet started, and is due tommorrow.)**

**The whole thing with Yoda spawned from a chat me and my friend just had. I asked her if I should finish the Rurouni Kenshin OVA even though I dislike the artwork style, and she answered "Watch it, you must". And so now I'm telling everyone I know that she is actually Yoda in disguise. =D**

**Anyone catch the Code Geass cameo reference in there? =D**


End file.
